Finding the healthy path with unhealthy relationships

So there have been a few things floating about in my head over the last few weeks and I wasn't sure which one was going to win out for me to write about.  But what has been on my mind the most it seems lately is what does one do about relationships with others that are unhealthy.

So I've talked loads about coming to peace with yourself and I will most likely continue to talk about that. But, the question comes up:

"What do you do when the relationship with someone else in your life is unhealthy?"

Hmmm that is a tough one. Right? Especially since often we care about the person, that is why they are in our lives. 

Where is the line between helping and loving others and helping and loving yourself drawn. 

I know I have always personally struggled with this. If I love the person I should support them, stay by there side and help them right? That is what you do for a person you love. But when do you draw the line? When do you say, "this is not healthy for me". 

This is not always easy. 

Many times we stay in toxic relationships, be they romantic or just platonic, because we feel it is "the right thing to do". I know! I'm the queen of this mentality. I often put others needs above myself in attempts to care for them and love them. But love without guidance can hurt sometimes more then it can help. What you say? How does that work?

Simple.

Sometimes at a certain point by trying to "help" a person you are actually not helping but sheltering and not letting them walk their own journey.

Now I'm not saying don't help people. Not at all. I'm saying you have know when it is time to let the person walk by themselves. You can be there on the side lines if they fall walking in the right direction, but you can't hold some one's hand forever while they run around where ever they wish.

So, how do we know? How do we figure out when it is time to stand aside and say, "No you have to walk on your own now. I am not going to hold your hands this time?" 

I have found that when you really care about someone you give your love and energy to the relationship. Therefore when things start to go south, or it becomes obvious things are not healthy or supporting you, it is time to have a serious talk with yourself. 

Ask yourself two questions:

1) Am I Happy?

This is a big one. Be honest and real with yourself. Are you actually happy cut and dry simple. No.. well sometimes on a Thursday when the sky has four clouds and I'm wearing my pink shirt answer. Just cut and dry at this moment when you look at the relationship are you Happy?

If you answer isn't a resounding YES! Then it is time to look at why. This process is not always pretty, but it is necessary. 

2) Does the person support my growth as a human being?

If you don't feel inspired, supported or uplifted when you are around the person maybe it is time to look at the role they play in your life. The energy you surround yourself filters into your being and can shape the path you walk in this life. Hell if I have to choose to be surrounded by positive, loving people or negative hateful people I sure as heck am going to choose the people who are positive. Have you ever been in a great mood and then someone at the office was just so negative and it felt like it just sapped out all the joy in your day? Why would you want to surround yourself with that all the time? Of course you can't always help who you are surrounded with, but if you can choose and if they are someone you care very deeply about, wouldn't you want to have them bring you up not down?

So now if you were honest with yourself, you know if this person belongs in your inner circle. If you listen to your inner self it will never steer you wrong.

Try this Kriya if you really are unsure which way to go. It can help you tune into your intuition:
*note make sure to tune into your higher self with the Adi Mantra  before you start your practice (a video is coming soon for you all :) )

Kriya to Know Through Intuition

This kriya develops your ability to open to the Unknown through intuition and sensitivity. The first exercise done with the One Minute Breath links the Heart Center, the Arcline and your projection. Feel your magnetic field and Aura as you meditate. Establish an open, sensitive and unlimited field.

In exercise 2 the Sixth Chakra is stimulated into action with the sound of the high pitched whistle. The sound relaxes and opens. The hand lock enhances neutrality. The third exercise is the fulcrum. You create a polarity between the fixed hand position, like antennae, and the relaxed cells of the rest of the body. You welcome and receive the information and intuition from the known and Unknown. It is an excellent kriya to prepare for powerful prayer and to develop intuition.

1. Sit in Easy Pose with the spine straight. The left elbow is bent, palm flat facing the floor, in front of the Heart Center. The right arm is extended out to the front at a 60 degree angle. Close the eyes and breathe slowly and honestly. (Work up to breathing only one breath per minute.) Feel the Divine Presence around you. 11 minutes.

To end, stay in the position, inhale deep, hold the breath 10 seconds as you tighten all the muscles of the body. Exhale. Repeat 2 more times. Relax, roll your shoulders, stretch your arms and rib cage.

2. Extend the arms straight out in front of the chest with the palms touching and the thumbs locked over each other. Close the eyes and whistle a song of your choice. 7 minutes.

This posture affects the parathyroid and you may feel a pressure in your neck.

3. Put the hands in Lotus Mudra at eye level. Relax the entire body but hold the hand position firmly. Close the eyes for 3 minutes.

This is an intertwined action when one part of the body in a confined posture becomes the antenna and the rest of the body is relaxed to receive.

To end, inhale and clasp the hands in front of the Heart Center and press as hard as you can. Exhale and repeat 2 more times. Then relax, talk, and ground yourself for a few moments.

© The Teachings of Yogi Bhajan

[This kriya can be found in Transformation, vol. 2]

So now that you know if this person is someone who honestly supports your life and growth, as a person, it is time to apply this knowledge to your life.
If this relationship is not healthy then it maybe time to move away from this person and allow new people into your life. *Note: If you are in an abusive relationship and fear for your safety or the safety of others please seek professional help. If is okay to ask for help!! You deserve a life full of love and light, from yourself and others. 

This can sometimes be painful for all parties involved depending on the amount of energy you have invested into the relationship.

But breath, life is full of change and motion and this is just another change in your amazing beautiful life!!!

If you feel stressed about the situation you are in you can try this simple meditation as well:

Meditation for the Calm Heart  

1. Sit in easy pose with a straight spine, close the eyes or look straight ahead and leave the eyes 1/10th open.

2. Place the left hand palm down on your heart center. Bend the right arm resting the elbow against the side of the body, and hold the right hand in gyan mudra (thumb and pointer finger meeting with the other fingers extended) at the level of the shoulder.

3. Inhale deeply and retain the breath as long as you comfortably can.

4. Then, exhale slowly and hold the breath out as long as you comfortably can.

5. Continue for 3-5 minutes.

Note: Do not hold the breath in or out so long that you’re gasping or in distress. You may need to experiment a bit. Holding the breath out can be more difficult than holding the breath in because you are confronting a fear of death, but just relax and take it slowly. Soon you will be able to move past that fear and grow in your strength. 

 The Meditation for a Calm Heart can be found in Meditation as Medicine byDharma Singh Khalsa, MD. 

 Much Love and Light to you all! I hope you continue to walk forward strong and tall! Bringing the light and love you all deserve into each and every relationship.
P.S.K